Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
