why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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