THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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