therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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