she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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