I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
