Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
