I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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