How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
