Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
