i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
