you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
