i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Congratulations! We have a period
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