so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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