last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
