dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
