You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
