Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
