my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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