So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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