I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
