Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
