I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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