Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she told me i tasted like america
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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