he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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