Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
