The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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