Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
