You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
