Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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