GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
