btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
