Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
