Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
