i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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