I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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