Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No subtext here. People are naked.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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