I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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