We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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