so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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