Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
