I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
