what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
