I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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