You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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