We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
