OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
