If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
