Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
