so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
