he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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